Valentine’s day…… Once every year, men are called upon to get off their lazy behinds to finally go out and get their partners something nice for once. The most generic gifts, to name a few include a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. If you’re lucky, some men may even endeavour something a little more thoughtful and original like building a Lego Death Star or filming a TikTok together. However, we live in a time where the bar is set very low for men indeed and it doesn’t take more than the bare minimum for the baby production line to green-light a November 14 batch.
For all of you university students out there who are most likely not planning on making babies any time soon, whether or not you already found that special someone, Valentine’s day is nevertheless an exciting time for all of us. No longer under the watchful eyes of your old-fashioned parents, can you finally go all out and show your foreigner boyfriend just how much you truly loved him, to make up for the fact that your parents would never approve of your relationship. Single birds can finally slide into the DMs of other single birds with a “Hey, are you busy on Valentine’s Day?” The possibilities are endless. Now with all this excitement and pent-up hormonal rage wafting around in the air, it’s important to keep in mind to not get carried away. Whether you’re spending Valentine’s with a special someone or alone, here are some do’s and don’ts that will keep you out of trouble (for the most part):
1. Don’t complain about being single
Now, nobody likes a whiny crybaby complaining about everything that’s going wrong in life. What, has nothing in your life ever gone right before? Maybe if you stopped playing so much Pokemon Go all the time, you might look up from your phone and have a conversation with a real human being from time to time. But if there’s anything worse than complaining about being single, it’s bragging on social media about being single. Below are a few examples of quotes that you should absolutely never post:
2. Don’t brag aggressively about being in a relationship
Yes, you and Brad look totes adorbs together but let’s be honest; we don’t need a deep dive into the details of your icky (perhaps even, diseased-ridden) relationship. Whether you’ve been together for six years or you’ve overcome 10 near-breakups, we can clearly see how much you love Brad and his rock-hard abs without needing to tap through 69 photos of you snogging each other on social media. Plus, there is virtue in keeping your relationships private too. Think of all the salty singles or fresh-out-of-a-relationship types out there who will be growling at you from afar. According to the dating site, dating.com 68% of users report feelings of loneliness during the month of February. Now why in the world would you want to dangle your relationship and rub it into more than half the population’s face if not to be pompous about the fact? Not to mention having to explain yourself to your friends in the event of a break up when the make-out pics stop coming in. “Why did you guys break up? Weren’t Brad’s abs hard enough?” They were, Karen. They were...
3. Don’t break up with your partner
This one seems pretty straightforward, right? It’s called the day of love not the day of un-love. But you’d be surprised at how many people choose this day, out of all 365 in a year to call things off. Not only are you shattering your significant other’s expectations on the one day that they’re allowed the guarantee of romance, but you are also ruining Valentine’s Day for them for the rest of their lives. Now every year when Valentine’s pulling up right around the corner, they are going to be reminded of how you decided to take them out on one last date night before telling them that it was to make up for the guilt you felt from having to break up with them. Our advice is to stay away from breaking up with your significant other at least a month before or after February 14. If you cross the January 14 mark and still wasn’t able to break up on time, it’s absolutely your responsibility to make it work for the next 2 months!
4. Don’t send an anonymous card
We all love a bit of mystery in our lives and having a secret admirer can definitely give someone that little confidence boost. It might seem like a good idea, right? Your crush gets a letter from a secret admirer, they read it and recognize the exquisite penmanship, and who else on campus writes so beautifully but you? And then what happens next? They fall in love with you. It’s that simple! WRONG! Ask yourself, what exactly is the point and what will you have achieved by sending a love letter without allowing them to have someone in mind when they receive it? Best case scenario, they’re probably fantasizing about Brad and his abs as he stayed up all night writing said letter in his candlelit room. But you off all people know that Brad only works out in the gym, not the library! Worst case scenario, she probably knows it’s you because we all know how quickly rumours spread around campus and she probably thinks you’re a creep from the fact that she simply isn’t into you. Anonymous love letters just don’t work! Find a way to get in touch with your crush’s social circle. Get to know them by spending some time with them one to one. When you do, chances are the fantasy falls apart and you might even find them a lot less interesting than you made them out to be in your head.
5. Don’t take them out to a restaurant
I have to admit, this one might seem a little counter-intuitive. So, let me explain. The only person your date is gonna be impressed by is the chef. And then this happens:
Here’s an idea, redirect those compliments towards yourself! Now’s your chance to show your date your cooking skills! Months of Apetito have led many a student to walk the path less travelled save the few who never had to lift a finger to do house chores (I’m looking at you, silver spoon brats). Don’t try to be too adventurous with your cooking. Make something you’re familiar with. If you do intend on making something specific, be sure to practice a couple times beforehand and make sure to write everything down! So this entry is more a DO cook them a romantic meal than a DON’T take them out to a restaurant. Remember to go easy on the garlic, though. You always want to make room for the possibility of a hot makeout-sesh after.
And so this concludes our list of do’s and don’ts on Saint Valentine’s day. Whatever it was you decided on doing, I hope it turned out well. If it didn’t turn out that well, then there’s always next year. Stick your chin up, my friend. There’s more fish in the sea if you’re into that sort of thing. We’re not judging. Said fish in the sea:
BY CAVAN YONG (MALAYSIA) | CLASS OF 2021 & LARISSA MASSAMBY (MOZAMBIQUE) | CLASS OF 2021
