A reflective look at my journey through computer science - from early confidence and unexpected challenges to rediscovering passion, perspective, and purpose along the way.
Past, present, future. Reflection. Excitement. Hope? The same thoughts and feelings circulating through my head as I dive into my final semester of college. The same anxious, but hopeful outlook, as I take one step further into the unknown. Looking at it this way, it seems like I did not change much when compared to my high school days. However, the past felt much more fulfilling, the present, a lot more demanding, and the future... imminent.
To be honest, the reason I chose computer science as my major was simple. Video games, and coding. I soon came to realize that these two components were not what made up computer science at all. It involved theory that made you question reality, calculations that made you curse whoever decided to combine the Greek alphabet with mathematics, and algorithms that seemed to bend time and space itself.
Although I say this, my first year at Constructor University felt like quite a breeze. Okay maybe not a breeze – but at least a slight gust of wind. My seniors advised me to take choose a minor alongside computer science as my major to avoid taking some hard mandatory modules. Unfortunately, back then, I was too arrogant and full of myself to pursue a minor and instead decided to dedicate myself fully to computer science like a true nerd. In other words, I thought I was HIM. (I was not).
Ignorant of the hardships that awaited me, I took a 2-year break from Constructor University to fulfil my mandatory military service. The most prominent sequence of events that happened during this time was the fact that AI was rapidly advancing. By the time I had finished my service, the world felt like it had changed. In the span of mere 2 years, AI had advanced to a stage that I could not fathom, and enrolling to university again in this state felt surreal. There was also the fact that the job market had taken a dive, and the fear that AI was going to take over our jobs.
Heading back into year 2, I struggled quite a bit, wishing I could take a time machine to have a few words with my past self. It still didn’t deter me from liking my major. However, I started contemplating whether computer science was the path I actually wanted to walk down. Of course, my passion for gaming and coding was still there, but I was unsure whether I wanted to take my passion into my career.
It might sound weird at first; however, there is a saying that you should separate your career from your hobbies, because something you decide to do as a 9-5 every day will inevitably wear down on you. I was afraid of my hobbies slowly being stripped away. For example, if you enjoy watching movies and decide to become a movie critic, it might seem like a dream come true at first glance. Yet, you might be given movies that are not of your taste, and be forced to analyse and evaluate those movies.
I’m not saying this will always be the case, but the potential possibility of my passion being stripped away was the main roadblock.
While these doubts occupied my mind, I was granted an internship opportunity at a startup company as a game developer, where I was in charge of developing and releasing the game. This firsthand experience became the tide that washed away my worries. I realised that this was what I want to do. Even if it might change in the future, there is no point in worrying about it now. Although it is human nature to worry about even the most insignificant things, I can’t help but think that sometimes, we all tend to get too carried away.
No one’s path is pre-determined, and graduating with a certain degree does not mean that you are bound to that path forever. It’s simply meant to serve as an extra pair of shoes to help you reach your final destination. If there is an obstacle along the way, you can always deal with it once you encounter it. I believe that if we channel our energy and time into enjoying the current journey, rather than worrying about the potential obstacles along the way, we will look back and say how thrilling it was, rather than how difficult. This also inherently reminded me that I have other hobbies as well, such as playing the guitar, reading and writing, which is why I am writing blogs for my university.
All in all, I just wanted to share this experience in the hope that it might help my peers feel a little less worried about what lies ahead. Of course, our choices in life might not be 100% satisfactory or perfect, but that will go the same way even if we made a different choice. We always end up regretting, wondering, what might have happened or what could have got better. In the end, we will never know until we try.
